Tuesday, July 29, 2008


I will probably do all of my future blogging on my joint blog with Kurt, here...

Thursday, May 01, 2008

I'm still around

Just not blogging much these days (as you can see!) When I've got a few minutes, though, I like to read this blog, and leave comments....


Thursday, April 05, 2007

Thoughts on Love

This past weekend was really eventful for me in learning a little more about the importance of Love in the Church in particular. I got together with a friend last Friday, someone with whom I have alternately great times and tough times. We are very similar people and have similar hang ups, so we can often repell each other even though we so well understand each other. Anyways, we got together and started talking and all of the sudden we were admitting to each other all these things we struggled with and the things that were hurting our friendship and it was a really good, healing time for both of us. I really felt God's love for her, which is characteristically vastly different feeling than mine. His Love is deep and soul moving and powerful to heal and uplift and bring Life. Mine is more like simple affection--good feelings--and is more like a whimper compared to the gentle hurricane of God's Love. You know what I mean, I hope.

So anyways we both ended up really experiencing God's love that night--He was there showing us Himself and it was so good. I got home at 1am but didn't want to sleep. I felt so full and alive. So instead, I wrote out some thoughts. Here is an excerpt:

"It is love in the Church, in Christ’s Body, that shuts out the devil. It binds us together and allows each part to serve the others and be served so that the whole functions perfectly, allowing the Head to guide and go and do whatever He pleases. We MUST be unified. But before it can happen, the only way it is possible, is if we first are abiding in Christ. And more and more solidly, deeply all the time. It is HIS love that is shed abroad in our hearts...

..in Christ, how much distinction is there really between us as individuals? Does He look at our natural families and see boundaries and distinctions? To some extent—one man and one wife—and yet the bigger reality is that “there is neither Jew nor Greek, male nor female, slave nor free man, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” ... We just need to love each other. I think we draw boundaries and say we should care more for blood than for other believers. But I think God sees it the other way: Body first. “honor one another above yourselves…” “share one another’s burdens and thus fulfill the law of Christ”…these are our goals and the reality of living in Him, in His Spirit. ... No individual believer, related or not, would be more valuable than another to us. We are all one in Christ. The need of any brother, young or old, is a need to be cared for by the Body. It is possible, even likely, that I in myself am not equipped to meet all of the needs of my husband and son. Otherwise, they wouldn’t need the Body.

Until we are all rooted and grounded in love, in Christ Himself, though, there is no possibility for those boundaries to truly crumble. As long as we live in the natural self, it is most practical and probably most beneficial to draw boundaries and care for flesh and blood. But God has called us to more—He has given us more. This is a new age when we are free of natural means and rules and customs. Its hard to abandon them, because they are ingrained and because there is some fear to be dealt with. But we are not entrusting our families and lives to each other, but to CHRIST. And once He is fully formed in us, that is exactly as it will seem to us. I think we would naturally begin to love and serve across blood lines and not even see a distinction. But again, we must grow up into Him, and this change will be a natural consequence. It is something to look to. The world in its present form is passing away. Let’s embrace now all that He has given to us!"

So its just the beginning of understanding. And I have been criticized for failing to see real love between believers already happening. I am sure that it does. But I am an idealist, and I am looking for the Church to be all that God longs for it to be. For us to mature in Christ, to learn to hear and follow Him eagerly in everything. Yes there is some love, but does it extend to even the "lesser" members of the Body? Don't we still play favorites a lot? Until the love is completely freely given to any child of God's, I am not convinced it is wholly His love we are seeing. Because He plays no favorites, but we do. Some people do love other believers more than their own families, but that might be also because they find no love in their earthly families. I am not saying that this is a bad situation--how wonderful to have brothers and sisters in Christ!! But I want to see every brother the way God does. And I admit that right now, I have favorites.

So anyways, its all a lot of rambling. I guess I'm just ready to see something real and supernatural at work amongst us--I want to see God's real, powerful Love, that we experience and that pours into our hearts and out to others indiscriminately. And if you say it won't ever happen on earth, then I say maybe you're right, but I would rather keep hoping for it and asking God for it than to accept the status quo.

P.S. I enjoyed LOST last night, even though I agree with Jenny that Kate's impetuousness is tiresome and frustrating. (however Evengeline Lily's performance never is!) When I saw her with Jack last night I was like "uh uh! oh no you don't! You already chose Sawyer it's all over for you. But then, you don't even know what you want." Which made me feel kind of hopeless for her and about her in a way. All I have to say is that if she ever ends up with jack, she's really going to have to earn him and its going to be a BIG price--like some honesty and self-sacrifice and no more running and some real, genuine thinking for a change. ...Locke was so weird I don't even know what to make of him right now, yet his brief appearance was very unsettling which was cool. I liked that it made Kate seem very alone. Somehow I think that was key. The smoke monster was scary and cool as always. I loved watching it crash against the "wall" in front of Juliet's face. Yeah, it was a good episode. I do want to see some more Desmond though. That guy is awesome.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Well, I have nothing nearly as interesting as Jenny Smith to blog about. Though I will take this moment to say that reading her about her travels in Scotland has given me a nasty case of wanderlust! I have been wanting to go to Ireland, Scotland, and Wales for a few years now. Reading her very detailed descriptions about her travels in Scotland makes me feel like I can almost taste it. I plan to go there someday, Lord willing.

Here in Glendale things have been pretty humdrum. The sky is overcast and its foggy, and yesterday I felt pretty blue and unmotivated to do ANYthing besides sleep. I don't think I would do well living in WA or thereabouts. I had to force myself to do some chores to snap out of my funk, and while normally that would get me on a roll and I would end up cleaning everything in sight, I actually just kept flopping on the couch after each completed chore. *sigh* Well, some days are just like that I guess. Today, even though the weather is the same, I feel in better spirits.

I have been innundated with calls from this lame-o debt collection group, Allied Interstate, who I've read is bordering on criminal in their practices. I ignore the calls because A) I have no debts that are in bad standing that would be sent to a collection agency and B) the person who had our phone number last apparently DID have some debts in bad standing and we're still getting calls for him two years later. Its really annoying and amusing at the same time that some of the callers do not believe me when I say that I don't know the man nor do I have any idea of his whereabouts. They usually call back a few times until I start getting more annoyed on the phone and tell them to stop calling for real because I for real don't know the guy. the people who are more on top of their business will check to see that the address and phone number on file match, which of course they don't.

So as a result of all that irritation, I was thinking yesterday about getting rid of the number and going with cell phones only and a wireless internet connection. But Kurt doesn't think it would be a financially viable option, and there don't seem to be any internet providers who would give us service for a reasonable rate or without the constraint of also purchasing a phone line or cable service. (We're all about catching the good shows on DVD, LOST excepted, and foregoing a cable bill). Any suggestions?

In other news, I have had some interesting experiences in prayer recently. I will be going about my day and suddenly get this feeling like the Spirit wants my attention. Then when I ask what is going on, if anything, someone will come to mind--or more specifically will be laid on my heart--and I will pray for them. As I pray, I get a sense of what that person is feeling, and more amazingly, what God seems to be feeling and wanting for that person. Most of the praying is not really in words per se; it seems like what the Bible describes as "groans that words cannot express" which it also tells us is the work of the Spirit to go to God on our behalf, when we don't know what to pray for. So anyway, it will go on for awhile and I will notice things change in the way the person or God feels, and then there will be this sense of relief or release or joy and it is over. Well here is the crazy cool part--several times now, three for sure, these prayers have directly coincided with actual events in these people's lives. Moments when they were desperate for answers or really hurting or needing help. One time in particular I was praying for a friend who was really troubled it seemed, and then around 10 something (I can't remember exactly anymore) I got the feeling she wasn't feeling anything anymore. Like she had passed out or gone to sleep. Sure enough, I learned the next day that she had fallen asleep at the time in question (after a very rough patch and time of prayer where God really spoke to her!).

What's also interesting about these experiences is I don't feel any responsibility or sense of accomplishment for them. I feel like a mere vessel of something God starts and God completes by His strength. When it is all said and done, I am grateful to have been used in some way, though it is clear that He didn't need me at all to do it. I think though that this kind of interceding is something that He likes to do in the Church, because we then experience His love for each other and see His heart. And each time it has resulted in my having a purer love for the person in question as well. It is very sobering and encouraging to be used in this way. Less of me and more of Him!

Ok, so I guess that was interesting afterall. Hope all of you out there are well...

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Well, Music & Lyrics was not a great film, but I still had a few laughs and enjoyed it. Mostly because I like Barrymore and Grant. But the best thing was just taking a break and relaxing.

After the movie I went to my Mom's to get Will, who it turns out barely slept at all for his nap, which made me feel badly for my mom. I didn't want her to have to do anything, especially since she was preparing for having my grandma over for dinner. But she didn't seem bothered by it, and I ended up staying and spending time with my grandma (mostly so she could see William. He is always the scene stealer).

I have still been stressed because I have catching up to do--today I worked on resizing a logo I did on spec, which the client turned out to love (thus I got the job). The logo was originally done at a low resolution though, in the interest of saving time on a slow-moving, low RAM machine, and so it has come back to bite me. She needed it taken care of asap, and so I sat down to do it this morning. I was using the GIMP which has been great so far but I have to learn it, and as a result I got so little done that I started stressing again. I called my Mom to see if I could get some lunch with her to just get away from the computer, and then asked if she could watch Will for the afternoon so I could just focus. Well, that was all great until I remembered half way through lunch that I had forgotten to call my friend and ask her to send Kurt's lunch to work with her husband, who also works at the school. (long story, not interesting). SO Kurt was without food. So I dropped off Will at my mom's, drove out to my friend's house, picked up the food, took it to Kurt and asked him if he could pick up William on the way home from school. Good. That should make my afternoon free. I lost 50 minutes of time by the time I had finally finished that errand and arrived back at home, but it couldn't be helped. WELL, I work for awhile and fortunately make great progress because maybe 45 min after getting home, I get a call from my mom saying that Kurt is on his way home with William already! The Idea was for Kurt to work at school like he usually does until 430 or 5ish, coinciding perfectly with the end of Will's afternoon nap. But I couldn't explain this to Kurt because I saw him in the middle of a class, and had to assume he understood what I meant by "I wanted to get some work done this afternoon so Will is at Mom's." Kurt actually rushed to get out of work to pick up Will BEFORE he went down for his afternoon nap. Ugh. The good news is that Will slept well and I got the logo done and started the next project, and had a nice evening with Kurt.

LOST was interesting, but I am still so disappointed in this relationship drama between Kate & Sawyer. And somehow it always strikes me as superlame when she calls him "James" with emphasis. I know it isn't Evangeline Lily's fault; she's a great actress as we have seen. But the writers can't figure out what to do with these two I don't think. Their relationship needed a lot more time to marinate in hardship and frustration before them coming together. They rushed it, maybe to get ratings. I dunno. But they need to fix the situation somehow. I think it helped a bit to see Sawyer pining for her, though. There is hope.

The VW van was cool.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

FInally a break

This week has been insane. I have been grading papers for my aunt (a 2nd grade teacher) and it has taken forever to finally finish. SO today, I will drop them off and reward myself with a movie --Music and Lyrics while my mom watches Will. Hopefully it will be a good break....

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


Well, I just got a large box which is my brand new iMac. Very exciting. I am waiting to open it until Kurt gets home, though, because I think he is even more excited than me about its arrival. But that is not the lame thing I wanted to write about. Here is the lamest--

I signed up for FedEx email updates to alert me as the package traveled through their system. I never got a single email, and figured that I had clicked a wrong button somewhere along the way, because if I went to their website and looked up the tracking number, there were numerous detailed entries about my computer's whereabouts. Well, I finally got an email from them just now, saying that the packaged had been delivered to me. Thanks. Thanks a lot.