The Preggers on Matters of Faith

And now for a much needed update...

Well, I am still unpopped and growing wider quicker. I had wanted to have had the baby by now, but this is a terribly busy month for Kurt between work and taking master's classes, so if I don't come until my due date (the 27th) then that would actually be best for him. I am due on the last day of his currently very stressful class, and I'm sure he would like to be able to focus on his little family and not be divided in his attentions by school. SO for his sake, I am willing for my body to continue to be sluggish about delivering.

Right now I am thinking most about faith, and how important it is to God, and feeling often the lack of it in myself. I think I have had more in the past, but its so easily undermined when I stay focused on myself. I think I am afraid to come to Him sometimes because in my heart I don't really believe that He will respond, that He won't speak and guide me. But He has done it so often so much in the past. Why would that change? It's me that changes. I know He hasn't left me. I'm disappointed when I look back on my days and realize that I was just walking in my own agenda and not listening humbly for Him. I would like for this temple to be a better more suitable place for the Holy Spirit to reside. How can He do His work of intercession for the saints and for the world if He has no completely yielded vessels through which to groan? And really the last thing I want is to be in His way. It is far too wonderful to see His will be done on earth as it is in heaven, to be aware of His interventions and participate in His yearnings for His children and the world to know Him.

I was reading Romans last night and was suddenly struck by how many times in the first couple of chapters alone that "faith" comes up. It really seems as though our faith is all important to God--that that is the issue our salvation really hinges on. And not a faith that is merely intellectual assent, but one that is so real and viable that it changes the way we act and look at the world; it changes our expectations from relying on the natural order to the spiritual reality of His life and power. "Trust God but lock your car" has no place in the Kingdom. The car is His and He does not ask us to follow human conventions for prevention of theft--in fact, He seems only to tell us to "joyfully accept the confiscation of our property" and "store up treasure where thieves do not steal, and moth & rust do not destroy". If we really are trusting in Him to meet our needs, then we will be unconcerned about theft of earthly treasures. (I hope you have heard that saying about trusting God but locking your car or I will sound like I am speaking of random examples haha). I still feel some apprehension in my heart and take safety precautions, insurance policies, and preventative measures. But at the same time I am beginning to see that the more real God is to me (the greater my faith) then the less fear I have. Not because I think God will keep my car from being stolen or keep me from physical harm all the time, but because I am utterly convinced of His goodness and the reality of spiritual life I have in Him, so that nothing on earth can be taken from me that matters. That is, nothing here compares with knowing Him intimately as Father, Friend, and Lord, and no one can take Him from me. So then what is left to hold on to? What can compare with the riches of knowing Him and being His? And aren't we probably better off without so much stuff anyhow?

Now I suppose as a means of testing me my car will be gone from its spot in the morning. ha.

But in any case, that is what is going on here. Only 11 more days till my due date. It finally is seeming close enough to touch, and I look forward to it. The pain will pass, and I am eager to meet this little man that the Lord is placing in our family. I'll blog again when he arrives and post a picture or two. Until then, God's grace and peace to all you out there, wherever you may be! You can be sure He is longing to shower you with His good gifts in Christ Jesus.