The Refreshment Table: December 2004

Christianity and the American Dream

Jenny Smith and I had an interesting conversation yesterday about the American Dream and its possible influence on Christianity. I proposed that the two have merged, making for a lot of Christians confusing "God's plan for their lives" with the American ideals of financial success and independence, and achieving all of one's personal goals. I ask myself if this is what God really wants for His children. What did Christ mean by the "abundant life"--having a big house, successful job, a shiny SUV and/or worldly recognition? How much of what *I* want for my life or feel motivated to do is from God, and how much is simply ambition that is at least unrelated to God's plan, and, at worst, a "hindrance" to it?

I realize that I may be wrong about my observations, but I am reflecting at very least on my own motivations and desires. I have a secret subconscious idea that God will be happier with me if I achieve the aforementioned Dream. It is my opinion that this is an incorrect way of understanding God's will for me, given that it is selfish in nature, and I wish to get at the heart of what the kingdom of God should look like.

I am blogging this in response to a comment left by Jenny yesterday on my previous post. You should read it before the following paragraph, which is my response to her comment. I decided to blog about this because I am interested in getting others' ideas on the subject as well. Please feel free to speak your mind openly in any comments you should leave.

Jenny--I see where you are coming from, but I think that I disagree with your definition of the American Dream (and it is with the following perspective that I spoke yesterday). I think the American Dream is an essentially selfish ideal: I want to be all I can be, rise to the top, achieve all of my goals. It's not about (if we get really honest with ourselves) helping others achieve THEIR goals. Capitalism is based on self interest, after all. I think we see Christians being more benevolent in their version of the Dream, trying to help others succeed. But even still, I am trying to step back and ask myself what God wants for His children, starting from scratch. Forget what my culture tells me and seek His inspiration. I want no influence but what His Spirit reveals through the Word. I am admittedly a bit jaded, though, so I appreciate your pointing out that Christians are still generally interested in helping others achieve as well.

Am I way off here? Anyone have any thoughts?

All Dressed up and (eventually) Somewhere to Go

Yes David, this weekend did go better, thank you. Though I am still weary and longing for a break. I got to spend some down time Saturday watching 13 Going on 30 (with laundry going, of course--have to multitask). I enjoyed being a smiling vegetable for a couple of hours. And that night I went with Kurt to hang out with our friends Brett and Jenny, and we all had a great time. We watched the Bourne Supremacy and ate fudgy brownies (the best kind!) I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

One very lame thing happened last week, though, that I have been meaning to blog about. Tuesday at work I stayed late with my boss and pinned up the storyboards for this big project we have going. It was fun, and I didn't mind working late at all. She told me that night that she would need my help during the meeting the next day, moving the boards around. Well, this meeting is with the big cheeses, so I had to dress up. I came to work all spiffy the next day, feelin' good. Ready to play Vanna White for the important folks. Then, right before the meeting, my boss tells me that she doesn't need my help afterall. I went back to my desk and just sat there for two hours. All dressed up and nowehere to go. I felt SO lame. Like everyone was looking at me thinking "haha Jenn thought she'd get to be in the big meeting!" I felt like a stood-up prom date.

Now, I'm sure this doesn't seem like a big deal, but for some reason it was to me. I'm not even "someone" enough to move bulletin boards around for the "someones". When the meeting let out, my boss came out and let me off early. It was nice, in a way. But I went home and slept for two hours, and woke up still feeling kind of down. Fortunately, right when I woke up, a friend called and invited me at the last minute to see a musical (Caroline, or Change) at the Ahmanson Theather downtown. She had season tickets with her Mom and her mom couldn't go. So, I put my nice outfit back on and went to a show. It was really nice, and I was so thankful that my nice-outfit day was redeemed.

Thanks, God.
:)

Weekend woes

This has been a difficult weekend. Not all bad, and arguably even the bad things are good, but it has been draining.

Our church has been going through some transitions. For the last couple of months I have been on a committee that was commissioned to make some financial decisions for the future of the church, and it has been a very difficult task for a lot of reasons. For one, I didn't want to be on the committee in the first place, but the pastor wanted me on it and I bow easily to pressure of that kind. SO I have felt a lot of the time like a fish out of water in those meetings. But aside from that, I thought the meetings went well. However, recently we met with the pastor to give him our recommendations, and it didn't go well at all. There were a lot of misunderstandings about certain recommendations, and it led to a lot of frustration and heartache. We had a second meeting this past weekend to try and clear some things up. Some of the problem stems from him thinking that we went beyond what he had commissioned us to do. The committee all agreed that the Lord was calling us to grow as a church, and so we made recommendations to encourage growth. The pastor was a bit upset that we took such liberties with our commission. This was very hard for me, as I felt that we reported what we felt God was calling us to do. How can we keep silent about that? But maybe we should have made those suggestions as an "aside" and not an official recommendation. In any case, its been said. And some of the most important points were the ones he disagreed with most (and not just because they were beyond the parameters of our commmission). This is very hard for me to accept, because, as I said, we all felt that that was what God was calling us to. Furthermore a comment was made that implied that it was his job to hear from God about the direction of the church, not ours. I took it to mean that he felt we could not have heard from God on these matters because God wouldn't lead us in that way(OR that we're not spiritually in a place to sense the Spirit leading, which is an even worse assertion, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he only meant we weren'tbeing led, not that we couldn't be).

Anyway, the wonderful outcome of it all is that I, though hurt, still deeply love our pastor and our church, and I have seen God's hand of grace at work preserving our unity despite wounded feelings. He is much bigger than our hearts, and able to sustain His children and preserve His Body.

The other hard thing is that I have decided to step down from the children's ministry. This decision was made before the meetings went awry (thankfully, or my motives might have beebn questioned). I felt God calling me away, and though I am a little sad, I am also excited and filled with peace about it. The thing that is hard is that I know it must've been hard for the pastor to hear, and I wish this wasn't all happening at the same time. But God can take care of His own, and I know things will work out for the best. We've developed a new program for the kids that will hopefully get more people in the church involved. My heart all along was to start the ministry and then turn it over to people from the community--I went as a missionary of sorts. So now it is time to pass the baton.

Civic Duty

Last week I was on call all week for Jury Duty, and although I thought it would be interesting to serve on a jury, I was not so excited about driving to the downtown courthouse everyday to do it. In fact, I was downright afraid to do it.

So, every night I was practically trembling with nervousness as I dialed in to discover my fate for the next day. I made it through the whole week free until Thursday night when I got the fateful message: Please report to the court on Friday at 7:30 am. The situation was further worsened by the fact that I would not be permitted to bring my knitting needles, as they would be considered a weapon. UGH. I was SO upset. I don't even like remembering it.

What a wuss.

ANYway I got directions to the courthouse via Mapquest. You will notice I did not link that word to the Mapquest website. This is because Mapquest is useless. It, as always, took me the wrong way. Fortunately, when it comes to going downtown, it is easy to see if you are going the wrong way. Am I headed TOWARD the tall buildings, or AWAY from them? Mapquest got me close to those tall buildings, then made me take a turn back toward home. So from that point on, I was mostly on my own. (I say "mostly" because toward the end of my thoughtful meanderings downtown looking for the courthouse, I stumbled back onto the Mapquested path and into the parking structure for the courthouse--after trying two others first, of course.) *sigh*

Fortunately, the service itself turned out to be extremely interesting. I am fascinated by the justice system, though I can see at least one big drawback (that many have observed): it's a big game. It is necessary to establish that one is innocent until proven guilty in order to protect individual freedom from big government, however this means that when a loophole arises whereby the prosecution is barred from submitting key evidence, the guilty man must go free. I think that this is preferable to the innocent being wrongfully imprisoned, but it is none the less a shortcoming of the system. I think it would be very hard for me to acquit someone who I knew was guilty. But then, I know that the true Judge knows, and "there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed." What a frightful thought.

I was a potential juror on one case, and enjoyed listening to the jury questioning process. I liked the judge a lot--she is clearly a wise, articulate, and respectable woman who also has a good sense of humor. There were a lot of people on the panel who did NOT want to be there. They made it very clear. It was simultaneously amusing and annoying to listen to their "excuses". Grownups can be so childish when they don't get their way. (This coming from the "grownup" who cried about having to drive downtown). The attorneys were very picky and we all had to come back on Monday to continue the selection process. Fortunately for me, they gave us free Metrolink tickets so I didn't have to drive--yea! Of course taking the train was a whole different adventure...

I did not want to be on this particular trial (it was for attempted murder), so come Monday I was very thankful to be called up and summarily excused only five minutes later. I think it could have something to do with the fact that there are three generations of cops in my family and a lawyer to boot. Or it could be that they didn't like my blue sweater. Who knows? I'm just glad to be back to life as usual. And I get to see Shane and Jessica tonight. yea!

Brief Update

Sorry that some of the pics are a little blurry. But you get the idea. The casino night pic reminds me of this very familiar painting. I'm sure you can guess which one.

In other news...

I am in a knitting craze. Last night I wandered the yarn aisles of Michael's in a frenzy of delight--so many colors and options and ideas. I got one variegated skein for myself, and a couple of balls of light grey wool to do a scarf for my dear friend Carrie. However, I think its time for me to attempt the purl stitch. Thus far I have been a straight knit stitch kinda girl, but I thinkI'm ready for fresh challenges. Maybe I'll even try a cool pattern. Thanks to Jenny Smith for teaching me to knit!

Nothing to do at work for the moment...think I'll keep working on that scarf.

P.S. I ate the last three almonds. The theif is still on the lam...